This Is My Goodbye
by theSilence
Summary: Everyone seems to be annoyed with Quatre. It comes to a point where Quatre can't stand it anymore. 1+2 3+4 5+S. Final Chapter: The boys sort things out.
1. This Is My Goodbye

Goodbye  


* * *

  
  
'I can't believe it's come to this…' The blonde pilot thought to himself. 'Am I really _that_ miserable?'   
  
Quatre was sitting on the railing of a bridge. It was thirty-six degrees out, snowy all around, and wind blowing in every direction. Tears from his aqua eyes stained the boy's childlike face. Over the past week, all of the pilots have been giving him the cold-shoulder. It tore at the blonde's heart.   
  
"Yes…yes I am…" Quatre closed his eyes as more tears flowed down the boy's cheeks.   
  
  
  
*Flashback*   
  
  
  
"Hey Duo!" The blonde called cheerily.   
  
Duo smiled at the small pilot. "Yo, Q-man. How's it goin'?"   
  
"Great! How 'bout you?"   
  
"Everything's fine and dandy with me."   
  
"You wanna have some tea with me?"   
  
Duo bit his lip. "Uhhhh…Sorry Quatre-man. No can do. I'm gonna go do something with Heero."   
  
"Oh. Okay. Maybe next time."   
  
"Yeah. Next time."   
  
Quatre turned to walk away. He made it into the other room when he remembered that he wanted to ask Duo something. He turned back around to ask him when he overheard Duo saying something to Heero.   
  
"Man, Heero. He asked me to do something with him _again_. Frankly, I'm tired of making excuses. That guy just needs to know when to leave me alone…"   
  
Quatre's heart dropped. He couldn't believe what Duo had just said. Quatre fled the room and ran to his own room. There, he cried himself to sleep.   
  
  
  
*End Flashback*   
  
  
  
'Was I really _that_ horrible? Was I really so annoying?'   
  
Quatre sighed. He opened his eyes and looked at the freezing waters, flowing below his feet.   
  
"I guess I was…"   
  
  
  
*Flashback*   
  
  
  
"Wufei? Can you help me with Sandrock?" Quatre asked the Chinese boy, nicely.   
  
"I'm busy right now, Quatre." Wufei said, sitting in meditation.   
  
"Maybe later?"   
  
Wufei opened his eyes and glared at Quatre. "Dammit Winner. I said I'm busy. Can't you go bother someone else?"   
  
Quatre fought to hold back the rising tears. He nodded and backed away from his fellow pilot. When out of sight, Quatre let his tears go.   
  
  
  
*End Flashback*   
  
  
  
'Did you all not want me around? Was that it?'   
  
By now, Quatre lost feeling in his limbs and in his cheeks. All he _could_ feel was the aching in his heart.   
  
"Yes…that was it as well…"   
  
  
  
*Flashback*   
  
  
  
"C'mon you guys! The movie's starting in an hour and we need good parking!" Heero called to Duo, Wufei, and Trowa.   
  
The three came rushing down the stairs to join the forth pilot. Quatre was sitting nearby with a book in his hands.   
  
"You guys are going to a movie?" The blonde asked, turning his attention away from the novel.   
  
"Yeah." Heero said simply.   
  
"Uh, what movie?"   
  
"You wouldn't like it. It's gory and filled with killing everywhere."   
  
The other three nodded.   
  
"And if we don't get a move on, we'll miss the show. See ya later Quatre."   
  
"Yeah…bye…"   
  
The four left Quatre to himself.   
  
'Sure I don't like gore but I still would have like to have gone with them…'   
  
Quatre closed his book and wrapped his arms around his knees, watching the flames dance across the logs in the fireplace, as he felt more alone than he had ever felt in his entire life.   
  
  
  
*End Flashback*   
  
  
  
'And you…I cared about you the most. And I thought you cared about me, too.'   
  
Quatre felt another piece of his heart tear away at the thought of the one he loved.   
  
"Oh Trowa…"   
  
  
  
*Flashback*   
  
  
  
"Trowa…can I talk to you?" Quatre said, uneasily standing in the doorway to the brunette's room.   
  
Trowa was sitting on his bed, typing something on his laptop. "Hm."   
  
"Um, is there something going on? Did I do or say something wrong?"   
  
Trowa looked up. "What are you talking about, Quatre?"   
  
"Well…everyone seems to be upset with me, lately. I was wondering if it was something I said or did…"   
  
"Oh come on. You're exaggerating."   
  
"But-"   
  
"Quatre, I'm sure everything is just fine and that you're letting your imagination get the best of you."   
  
"Trowa-"   
  
"Quatre, if you don't mind. I have a paper due and I really need to work on it right now."   
  
The blonde felt a pang in his heart. "Okay…Good night Trowa."   
  
Trowa simply turned back to his laptop.   
  
  
  
*End Flashback*   
  
  
  
"What did I do? What it something I said? So many questions…"   
  
  
  
*Flashback - 1 hour ago*   
  
  
  
_Dear Trowa, Heero, Duo and Wufei,   
  
Lately it seems that all I've been is a bother to you. You all seem rather upset with me or very short-tempered. All of you have been avoiding me as well. I notice these things. When I enter a room, you stop talking. When I ask you if you want to do something with me, you spout out an excuse. What have I done to deserve this?   
  
  
  
To Heero: I know I'm not strong like you are. You are very skilled in all you do and I admire you for that. I apologize for whatever it was that I did. This is my goodbye…   
  
  
  
To Wufei: Your determination is what I admire in you. That and your intellect. I know I'll never be as strong-minded as you. I'm sorry for what I did. This is my goodbye…   
  
  
  
To Duo: I admire your free spirit. Even when things are looking grim, you always are cheerful. I'll miss your jokes and laughter the most. I'm sorry. This is my goodbye…   
  
  
  
To Trowa: Trowa…you mean the most to me. It hurts to know that you aren't pleased with my being. I'm sorry. I love you, Trowa. I always have and I always will. This is my goodbye…   
  
  
  
Goodbye…Quatre_   
  
  
  
*End Flashback*   
  
  
  
"This is my goodbye…"   
  
The day was Quatre's birthday. No one even muttered a single word to him. Not even a single glance in his direction. It hurt.   
  
Quatre had honestly thought that the others had cared about him.   
  
'But they don't...'   
  
Not wanting to inconvenience them any longer, Quatre turned to drastic measures.   
  
"No more..."   
  
  
  
*Back at the house*   
  
  
  
"Man, Heero. You remember that guy that wouldn't leave me alone?" Duo said, intertwining his fingers with the other pilot's.   
  
"Yeah. Isn't his name Tomei?"   
  
"Yeah. Well, he _still_ thinks he's got a chance with me."   
  
"And of course he doesn't." Heero placed a small kiss on his lover's lips. "You're mine."   
  
"Will you two, please stop with the romance? We've got a house filled with guests for Quatre's surprise party just a few miles away. It'd be best to hurry and retrieve the boy so the fun can begin." Wufei huffed.   
  
"Oh come one Wu-man. You're still not pissed about that guy hitting on Sally, are you?"   
  
"Don't you _dare_ bring that up again! I accidentally snapped at Quatre because of that fool."   
  
"You went off on him?" Trowa asked, cocking an eyebrow.   
  
"Yes. I didn't mean to."   
  
"Maybe that's why he thinks you're mad at him." Trowa said, thinking about what Quatre said the night before.   
  
"He thinks I'm angry with him?"   
  
"Yeah. He thinks that we're all annoyed with him. I think he was upset when we went out to that movie without him."   
  
"But we needed to discuss our plans for tonight." Heero said.   
  
"Oh man. I think he might think I'm avoiding him when I told him that I was too busy for him." Duo said, scratching his head.   
  
"Damn…I'll go get him, then." Trowa said.   
  
Trowa began climbing the stairs and walking towards Quatre's room. 'My little one, you'll be so happy after tonight. We will show you how much you really mean to us. And after that, I can tell you how much I love you…'   
  
Trowa opened the door only to find it empty.   
  
"Quatre?" he called out.   
  
The brunette then spotted an envelope on the bed. He pulled out the folded piece of paper and immediately paled.   
  
"GUYS!!" he yelled.   
  
The three other pilots rushed into Quatre's room and looked at Trowa, concern in their eyes.   
  
"Where is he?" Duo asked.   
  
"We have to go find him. I think he might have hurt himself…" Trowa responded.   
  
"Shit…then let's go." Heero said.   
  
The four bolted out the door in search for their friend.   
  
  
  
*Back at the Bridge*   
  
  
  
'You all were like family to me. I will no longer burden you...'   
  
Quatre closed his eyes. He scooted closer towards the edge of the railing.   
  
"This is my goodbye…"   
  
With that, Quatre pushed off. The sound of a scream pierced the night sky, before Quatre's whole world collapsed before him.   
  
  
  
*Two Minutes Ago*   
  
  
  
"Quatre!! Where are you!!" Trowa screamed into the night. 'Please, my love…don't hurt yourself. Please…'   
  
Then, a figure on the nearby bridge catches Trowa's eye.   
  
"Quatre...?"   
  
Trowa immediately recognizes the boy's platinum blonde hair against the dark sky. Trowa began to run to his Quatre when he noticed the blonde scooting off the railing. Realization strikes Trowa and he begins to run faster…   
  
  
  
…But he's too late.   
  
  
  
Quatre's small form disappears over the side of the railing, falling straight towards the icy waters below.   
  
"_NOOOOO!!! QUATRE!!!_" Trowa's screams pierce into the night as he watches his beloved fall to his death.   
  
  
  
_This is my goodbye…I'm sorry…_

* * *

  
  
Author's Notes/Disclaimer: I don't own the Gundam Wing boys. The Tomei guy, he belongs to me though.   
  
I decided to write this fic while reading another one. The one I was reading didn't really satiate what I had in mind although it was still good. So I tried my hand at it. How'd I do? Questions? Comments? Please review! 


	2. Awaken and Return

This Is My Goodbye  


* * *

  
  
'Pain. Like needle-pricks to the skin. Like a thousand daggers piercing my body. Ripping my chest open to squeeze what's left of my broken heart. The water feels so harsh against my flesh. But his pain, this _physical_ pain, cannot hurt as much as how much I hurt _emotionally_. Nothing can compare…they have grabbed my heart out of my chest only to shred it apart, bit-by-bit. But now, I end this pain. I shall feel no more…'   
  
  
  
* * *   
  
_"NOOOOO!!! QUATRE!!!" _   
  
Trowa stripped off his jacket and dived in after the blonde. 'Quatre, I will not let you leave me like this. Never…'   
  
The arctic waters pricked Trowa's skin but all he could think about was getting to Quatre. He spotted the boy further down the river and began to swim after him as fast as he could. When he was close enough, Trowa grabbed Quatre's jacket and held him close while pulling the boy's limp body towards the bank of the river.   
  
"Holy shit!" Duo cried running along the shore to keep up with the other two in the water. Right behind him was Heero. Once close enough to the shore, Duo and Heero grabbed at Trowa and Quatre and pulled them out of the water.   
  
"Come on. We need to get him inside, _now_." Heero said. "Duo, go find Wufei."   
  
"Right." With a nod, Duo left to find the other pilot.   
  
Heero lifted Quatre's body easily into his arms. He turned to Trowa. "Let's go."   
  
Exhausted, Trowa could only nod and follow the cobalt-eyed boy as they made their way back to the safe house.   
  
  
  
* * *   
  
'Warmth. I feel…warmth. Why? Why do I feel anything at all? Oh no…it didn't work…I didn't die…_No!!_ Why? Why didn't it work? Why can't I just die? Why, why, why….'   
  
* * *   
  
Quatre slowly opened his eyes. He was lying down on a mattress that had been placed on the floor by the fireplace. The fire made little cracking noises from the wood. The blonde was then aware of how heavy his body felt. He tried to move but found his limbs too heavy to move. He blinked. Quatre realized that it wasn't his own body that was heavy but the body of another. At this realization, Quatre shot up on the mattress, causing the owner of the body to stir.   
  
"Quatre?"   
  
Quatre turned his gaze towards the person's head. "Trowa…"   
  
"Quatre!" Trowa shot up and embraced the smaller boy.   
  
Quatre was then suddenly aware of his and the other pilot's lack of clothing. They were both wearing nothing but boxers.   
  
Trowa pulled away abruptly, holding Quatre by his shoulders an arm's length away. "How could you try to kill yourself, Quatre? What on earth made you that desperate to do such a thing?"   
  
Quatre just stared at Trowa through the firelight. Then he brought his hands to his face as tears burst through. Trowa pulled the smaller boy back to him and gently rocked him back and forth.   
  
"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to make you cry…shhh…" Trowa whispered into Quatre's hair.   
  
Quatre pushed Trowa. "But you _did!!_ You and everybody else!! For nights now, I've been crying myself to sleep! And it's all your fault…it's all…my fault…" Quatre's last words were a mere whisper.   
  
"Quatre…" Trowa once again pulled Quatre to him and held the blonde close. This time, Quatre didn't push away.   
  
"It's my fault…I'm just a bother….to you, to everyone. No one wants me around…I-I-"   
  
"Shhh…Why in the world would you think such a thing?"   
  
Quatre just shook his head against Trowa's chest while his tears continued to fall from his eyes.   
  
"It's okay…rest now, Quatre. We can talk in the morning…"   
  
Trowa slowly lay back down onto the mattress while still holding the smaller boy. The two fell asleep to the sounds of Quatre's sniffling and the firewood cracking softly in the fireplace.   
  
* * *   
  
It was well into the morning and Heero, Duo and Wufei were all sitting at the kitchen table.   
  
"I just don't understand why Quatre would do something that drastic." Duo said. "I mean, sure, we weren't exactly paying him a lot of attention the past week, but still. To try to kill himself over it?"   
  
Heero nodded. "He's right."   
  
Wufei cradled his chin with his left hand. "There must be something more to it than just this week."   
  
"Yeah. But what?" Duo looked from Wufei to Heero. No one knew.   
  
Just then, Trowa came into the kitchen. He stood against the wall, his arms crossed in front of his chest.   
  
"Hey Tro." Duo said.   
  
Heero and Wufei nodded in greeting.   
  
"Morning. I convinced Quatre to come down. He should be here in a bit."   
  
The three nodded and the room was silent once more.   
  
After a few moments, Quatre entered the kitchen, watching his feet. He looked up at the other pilots who looked right back at him.   
  
Duo plastered on a huge grin. "Hey Q-man! Have a seat." The violet-eyed pilot got up and pulled out Quatre's seat the way a butler would. When the blonde sat Duo beamed. "Can I get you something? I know how much you like tea. I think I'll go get you some tea." Duo began to march off into the kitchen.   
  
"Duo, wait." The braided boy stopped at looked at Quatre. "I don't want any tea. Thank you anyway."   
  
"You sure?"   
  
Quatre simply nodded. Duo sighed and sat back down.   
  
Minutes passed and no one said a word.   
  
'They're still doing it...' Quatre realized. 'They're still so quiet around me…they still don't want me around…' Quatre stared at his hands as tears slowly began to rise.   
  
Trowa was the first to notice Quatre. He stood upright and kneeled down before the blonde boy. "Quatre, what's wrong?"   
  
The small boy's tears burst from his eyes. "Why couldn't you just let me go?! I wanted to die! I _want_ to die! Death is better than this! _Anything_ is better!"   
  
Trowa wrapped his arms around Quatre's trembling body.   
  
"Quatre…what?" Heero began confused as to what 'this' Quatre was talking about.   
  
"Why can't I just die? It's not like any of you will miss me…"   
  
"That's not true Quatre." Duo said, concerned. "Why would you say that?"   
  
"Because it _is_ true!" Quatre looked up at Duo. "None of you want me around! So I made it easier on you by trying to kill myself but you just wouldn't let me go! How much more do I have to suffer!?"   
  
"Quatre, why would you think that we don't want you around?" Wufei asked.   
  
The blonde looked at the Chinese boy through his tears. "You were the one who was too busy. You yelled at me when I didn't even _do_ anything. I'm just a pain to you."   
  
Wufei blinked in surprise.   
  
"Quatre, listen-" Heero tried.   
  
"No! You listen! You were the one that left me out. You didn't want me near you."   
  
"That's not-" Heero started.   
  
"Quatre, it was nothing like that." Duo interrupted.   
  
"Oh, please Duo. I thought you were my friend. But as soon as I turned my back you go on telling Heero just how much you're annoyed with me."   
  
"Wha…?" Duo tried to recall what Quatre was thinking about.   
  
"Quatre, calm down." Trowa said softly. "You don't understand-"   
  
"No Trowa. I understand perfectly. None of you want me around. Never had, never will. I'm just the weak one. Weak, annoying, bothersome Quatre. That's who I am and that's all I'll ever be…" Quatre was silenced with sobs that overcame his small form.   
  
Heero stood and kneeled down next to Quatre. "You are _not_ weak. _Never_ believe that you're weak cause that's the last thing that you are. And you are wanted. You're our friend."   
  
Quatre looked at Heero. "But…but you guys didn't want me with you when you guys went out to that movie…"   
  
"Quatre," Wufei said, causing the boy to look at him. "We went out that night to plan for your surprise party that Heero was setting up. We didn't want you with us because we didn't want to ruin the surprise."   
  
Quatre just blinked.   
  
"And about me blowin' you off," Duo interrupted. "It's not cause I didn't want you with me. Me an' Heero really _did_ have something planned."   
  
"We're in love." Heero simply said.   
  
Quatre just blinked again in surprise. "But I heard you say that you wanted me to leave you alone…"   
  
Duo shook his head. "No, no, silly Cat. I wasn't talking about you. There's this guy, Tomei. He's been pesterin' me for the past few weeks. _He_ was the one that I wanted to leave me alone."   
  
Quatre looked down, ashamed.   
  
"But…Wufei…said I was a bother…"   
  
"I was just irritated from earlier that day." Wufei explained. "Some guy dared to flirt with Sally. Injustice." The Chinese boy got up from his seat and stood behind the Arabian boy.   
  
Quatre covered his face in his hands. "Oh Allah…I'm so stupid…"   
  
"You're not stupid. You just…misunderstood, is all." Heero said, softly.   
  
"I'm sorry, guys. I thought you didn't want me around anymore…"   
  
"You're our friend. And we're like family." Wufei said.   
  
Quatre looked up and gave a small smile to everyone.   
  
"Awww…Group hug!!" Duo smiled. He crawled over the table and wrapped his arms around his fellow pilots. "Never, never, never do anything like that again without talking to us. Got it?"   
  
Quatre nodded and received a sloppy kiss to his temple from Duo.   
  
When the hug broke up, Wufei stood and straightened out his clothes. "Ahem. Well if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go over to see Sally. Quatre, just remember that we _do_ care about you. And no matter what, we always will." Wufei gave a slight bow before heading off to Sally's place.   
  
Heero and Duo both sat on the table in front of Quatre, Trowa still kneeling down beside the blonde.   
  
"You guys, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to Quatre alone, please." Trowa said. The two nodded before standing to leave the other two pilots alone.   
  
"Trowa, I'm so sorry…" Quatre started.   
  
"There's nothing to be sorry about Quatre."   
  
"It's just that, I thought you didn't care. And that just especially since I felt closer to you than with any of the others. I didn't want to go on knowing that I annoy you."   
  
"Quatre, shhh." Trowa said softly, placing a finger up to the blonde's fair lips, effectively silencing him. "Did you mean it?"   
  
With Trowa's finger to his lips Quatre could only arch an eyebrow.   
  
"In your letter. You said that you loved me. That you always have and you always will. Did you mean it?" He asked again.   
  
Quatre nodded.   
  
"Oh, Quatre…" Trowa moved his finger from Quatre's lips to cup his cheek in his palm. "Seeing you drop from that bridge, trying to kill yourself, it nearly killed me. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't reached you and lost you."   
  
"Trowa…"   
  
"I don't think I could have lived on without you. I don't think I'd even want to. You see, Quatre…I love you too."   
  
Fresh tears sprung from aqua eyes at the rush of emotion that shot to Quatre's heart. Quatre launched himself at Trowa, knocking them both down onto the floor. The blonde buried his face in Trowa's chest before looking up into emerald orbs filled with nothing but love. Trowa lifted himself slightly up off the floor and kissed Quatre, filling this kiss with as much love as he possibly could so Quatre would know just how much he felt. Quatre kissed back with just as much passion.   
  
Just then, Duo decided to walk in. "Awww…why don't you two get a room?"   
  
Neither heard him, nor did they care. All they knew were each other and the love that they shared. 

* * *

  
  
Author's Notes/Disclaimer: I don't own the GW characters. I own Tomei and a cool robe I got for Christmas.  
  
So here it is. The happy ending. I don't really like how it ended but I had no other idea of how to. But for all you people who wanted happy, here is happy cause nearly all who reviewed wanted Quatre to live. I don't really like killing him all that much anyway. 


End file.
